A reflective journal

Making Friends in a New Country

For the lonely, exhausting, brave work of building your people from scratch.

Created by Stephanie Johnson, LICSW · The Grounded Expat

Building a social life from nothing, in a place that isn’t yours yet, is genuinely hard — and it is not a sign that something is wrong with you. Longing for connection while dreading the effort of it is one of the most human things there is. If you’ve been feeling lonely, or “bad at this,” this is a gentle place to soften that story.

This isn’t a fix. It’s a place to look honestly at what’s hard, and take the pressure off — one small page at a time.

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This is an educational, self-reflection resource — not therapy, diagnosis, or a crisis service. If you’re struggling beyond what journaling can hold, please reach out to someone you trust, a licensed professional, or local emergency services. You deserve real support.

Part One

Starting from Scratch (Again)

Rebuilding your people in a new country is real work — the kind that quietly drains you. Naming where you actually are is the honest place to start.

Where are you right now with friendship in your new place? Be honest — lonely, tired, hopeful, all of it.

What’s the story you’ve been telling yourself about why it’s hard?

Part Two

You’re Not Cursed

When connection is hard, the mind hands us the meanest explanation: “it must be me.” But friendships are hard to build for a hundred reasons that have nothing to do with whether you’re lovable.

What do you secretly fear it says about you that this has been hard?

Now argue the other side. What are the real, external reasons it’s hard here — the language, the newness, people’s full lives, the constant starting over?

Part Three

Do It Anxious

The nerves are almost always loudest right before, and they settle once you’re actually in the room. You don’t have to feel ready. You just have to be a slightly nervous person who showed up anyway.

What situations make you most anxious about meeting people? What’s the fear underneath?

One small, low-stakes thing you could do anxious this week — no waiting to feel brave:

Part Four

The Same Faces

Friendship rarely comes from one-off coffees. It comes from familiarity — the same people, on repeat, in a low-pressure setting. Showing up regularly does the heavy lifting for you.

What recurring activity could you show up to again and again — a class, a club, a run group, a weekly something?

What did you used to love back home that you could do here, alongside other people?

Part Five

Lowering the Stakes

“I need these people to become my best friends” is a lot of weight to carry into a first hangout. Aim for one nice conversation, not a lifelong bond. Relationships grow slowly, on their own time.

What pressure have you been putting on new interactions? Where does “they have to like me” show up?

What would “good enough” look like for a first hangout — a bar so low it takes the fear out of it?

Part Six

The Revolving Door

Abroad, people come and go — and losing a friend who moves on hurts in a particular way. That grief is real. It’s also not a reason to stop opening your hands.

Have you lost friends here who moved on or moved away? What did that cost you?

What helps you keep reaching out and opening up, even knowing some people won’t stay?

Part Seven

A Note for the Next Invite

There will be a moment this week when you could reach out but want to talk yourself out of it. Leave yourself something to read first.

Write a few lines of encouragement to yourself for the next time you want to reach out but feel scared. What do you most need to hear?

Reaching out at all is the brave part.

Connection abroad is slow, unglamorous, real work — and the people who seem effortlessly social are white-knuckling it far more than you’d guess. You’re not cursed, and you’re not behind. You’re building something that takes time. Be gentle with yourself. When you’re ready to go deeper, the full Relocation Journal walks the whole arc of life abroad — you’re on the list, so you’ll be first to know the moment it lands. 🌿

The Grounded Expat

Created by Stephanie Johnson, LICSW · thegroundedexpat.com